he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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