It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
