I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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