Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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