just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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