just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
