At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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