Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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