No period for spring break; use this wisely.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
