the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
