I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
