Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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