Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
