Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
