Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
