Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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