By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
