My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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