Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I want her autograph on my taint
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
