Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
