I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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