He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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