found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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