i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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