Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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