You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize