im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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