Already got asked if we're dating
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My life is pants optional.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
