I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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