I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We have so much sex to catch up on
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize