she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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