Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
