I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
