okay pat passed out under dana's car
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My bed smells like the plague
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
