She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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