no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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