okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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