Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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