So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
this boner is exhausting
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
