i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Success! We fucked roommates!
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