i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize