Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
