bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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