Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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