my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
