Nicole vs. Life
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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