Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
