Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
