All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
