meet me or not, i'm out of control
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
