At least make sure they are 18
Why
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
