What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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