i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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