But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
