she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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