That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
