Me. At least after what I've been through.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm getting married
To pizza
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize