Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize