Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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