I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
