Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize