Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
