Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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