i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
