he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
