4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
