I feel like I'm in dance class right now
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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