so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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