i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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