Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The air taste purple.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
