So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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