And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
