there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
