no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
