When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
