how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
