We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just blew my weed a kiss
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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