So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
