Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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