2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
