Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
