the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
